I haven't blogged anywhere in so long I am glad to finally have a few minutes of spare time in order to write about something. Shit anything to get my mind of everyday shit. I want to start writing stories again. But, I've had writers block for so long I think I'm going to need a sludge hammer to break it!
Being a mom takes up a lot of my time, don't get me wrong it's totally worth it! Lack of sleep though seems to be getting to me. I have trouble getting up in the morning to do anything! There's that time frame where I just want to roll back over (as long as my son isn't there) and go right back to sleep, to catch those dreams I can't seem to remember anymore. Granted things have gotten easier since I've been back in Maryland with John but still it's hard to want to motivate.
I'm not depressed or anything, just feel liek I don't have any time to myself, which I don't, my time equals Jp's time when he's awake, and my time gets forgotten as soon as John gets home from work since we always seem to have something or other to do as soon as he gets here. whether it's going to his moms, cleaning, going shopping, going for a walk, or taking someone somewhere. It seems like we have company everyday and I have no fucking family time.
I don't understand why we have to do everything at once, we have an appartment we should be staying here and spending time together as a family. Getting to know our son teaching our son the things he needs to learn. He needs to do more belly time, he needs to become better at grasping objects instead of fingers in his hands. He's very advanced but there are things I feel he is behind in. I might be just being paranoid but who the fuck knows.
I try not to bother people with my prblems and i guess i shouls stop doing that. I don't want to hurt so and so's feelings. But I can't hold this shit in or I will get depressed and it will affect John Peter.
I'll put it this way, I miss my family, they miss me, and they miss Jp that hurts. I know this is what I need to be doing, being away from them I mean. But shit does it have to hurt so much? I'm worried about my dad knew I would be and now he's telling me there may be cause for my concern. I am trying to cheer him up by ordering pictures for him through snap fish and having them delivered to his door. I hope that helps him feel better. I hope that things get better for him.
This is all I have time to post right now, I have to go feed JP he just got up, I changed him while I wrote part of this, but I need to go play with him so he will be happy lol maybe try to feed the loittle guy a bottle.
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